Microsoft Zone Archive/Player Chronicles/Player Kill
Original Link (now dead) - http://zone.msn.com/asheronscall/ASHEalioshka.asp
A Funny Thing Happened on the Road Today . . .
The valiant knight Alioshka has just emerged from his first trip to the Glenden Wood dungeon, where he's been lost for a number of hours, chopping up zombies and the like. As usual, he's loaded with stuff to sell to the local merchants.
Upon reaching the surface, just a short distance from town, he is accosted by Green Knight (not his real name), a fourth-level warrior and first-rate annoyance. Will Alioshka bear this torment like a true and noble paladin, keeping the spirit of vengeance from his heart while selflessly offering aid?
Nope.
My First Player Kill (A True Story)
By Alioshka
Green Knight: "Hey, Alioshka, where did you get all that cool armor?"
Alioshka: "Ehhh, magic. It's grafted to my skin."
Green Knight: "Cool, can you give me some?"
Alioshka: "Sorry, I'm still using it."
Green Knight: "Where'd you come from?"
Alioshka: "Underground, actually -- I've just come up for a bit of fresh air."
Green Knight: "How do I get armor like yours?"
Alioshka: "Kill monsters. Loot corpses. Sell items. Get pyreals. Trade pyreals for armor at a smith's."
Green Knight: "You can't just give me yours?"
Alioshka: "I'd love to, but I really need it to keep the banderlings from crunching my soft flesh."
Green Knight: "Can you show me how to get to the nearest town?"
Alioshka: "Uh, you're in it."
Green Knight: "Duh! Idiot! I mean *another* town!"
Alioshka: "Look on your map -- it shows *all* the towns and where you are in relation to them."
Green Knight: "But I can't find any towns! I want to go to a big city! I want cool armor like yours!"
Alioshka: "Hmmm."
Green Knight: "Is there a portal around here?"
Alioshka [grinning]: "Oh yes, let me show you a real interesting one!"
Alioshka walks over to the "North Direlands" portal and points to it.
Alioshka: "That one goes to a really interesting place!"
Green Knight: "Thanks, I really appreciate it!"
Green Knight walks through the portal...
Alioshka [to whoever is within listening distance]: "Whew!!!"
[10 seconds later.] @tell from Green Knight: "YOU JERK!!! I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!"
Alioshka thinks to himself, "Gee, I'll bet he learns how to use his map now... Well, one can hope..."
@tell from Alioshka: "Really? Hmmm, must have been the wrong portal!"
[10 seconds later.] Green Knight appears next to the Glenden Woods lifestone.
Green Knight: "I DIED!!!! I HATE YOU!!! I HAVE NO MONEY AND NO ARMOR!!!"
Alioshka: "*sigh* Tell you what, Green Knight, I'll give you 5,000 pyreals to leave me alone."
Green Knight strikes a fighting pose.
Green Knight: "I WISH WE *COULD* FIGHT!!!"
Green Knight takes off at a run. Alioshka [shakes head]: "Perplexing fellow, that."
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